So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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