Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
