I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
thus making me awesome and them whores
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
