hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
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It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
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Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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