You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
