i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
