They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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