Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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