the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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