I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
