I wish life had little blips of pornography
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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