Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
