yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
