i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
