dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
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What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
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yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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