Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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