i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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