First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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