I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
