Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
