Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
