if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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