Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
