On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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