Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
