woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
not ubering you a puppy
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
