I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
accomplished twins. life is a go
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
