Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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