does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize