your thong is hanging out like whoa
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
