Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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