you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm always down for nudity.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
