Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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