under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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