Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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