i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize