What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
