While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
