im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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