I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
