see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You are a genius and a whore.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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