no. you can't hotbox the world.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
