My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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