Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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