He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
