Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
