I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
