How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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