i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
