There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
