So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
