You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize