the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
