Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
