i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
