I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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