Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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