This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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