Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Say something about gay babies.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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