You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
