I wanna passion pit in your ass
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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