do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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